Good evening, I am Captain Space Raoul of Space Command, better known as 'hero'. It's not easy saving the universe AND adhering to the moral code of polite society, but I like to think I can juggle both with quite some panache.

A hero who lets his standards slip is no hero at all, just a do-gooder. To deserve adulation, parades, even a statue built of yourself, requires a great deal of practice in how to conduct oneself. If I can mantain the stiff upper lip even when I'm knee-deep in dastardly sorts, then so can you.

There follows my advice for the most common situations where care needs to be applied.

I hope the advice here may have been of some use to you, whether in the battlefield or just around the house. Life is full of many dangers and troubles, but there is very little that can't be resolved with a firm handshake, a jolly disposition, and some cake.

Chin chin,